Listen to Understand
By Sara Jane
Why is it that when we get together in a group, especially a family group that it is so noisy with everyone vying to speak at the same time?
Why do so many of us interrupt someone whilst they are still speaking, not listening to all they have to say?
Why do we feel the need to interject, to get a thought we have had aired immediately?
I know I have been very guilty of this and having become aware I now just tend to sit and listen, and I find it all so very sad.
Many don’t listen to understand, they listen to respond but they don’t wait to hear all that is being said.
This can happen with partners as well, it doesn’t have to be a group.
Why do we do this?
From my understanding it is insecurity, a desperate need to be heard because we don’t feel that we are listened to and heard.
The truth is whilst we keep doing the interrupting thing, we are unlikely to be.
Do you remember as a child trying to get your Mother or Father’s attention whilst they were talking to another adult and being told you don’t interrupt whilst I am talking to someone else?
Do you remember those family gatherings as a child when all the family was sat round the table and everyone was talking over each other, no one was listening, they were just talking, all trying to be heard?
You didn’t learn from what you were told, you learnt from what you witnessed the adults in your life doing.
Many of us feel as if our voice isn’t being heard, no one is listening and we are desperate to be heard.
Having started my own live shows in which I interview people, I have learnt the importance of listening to understand, especially as I love to work without a series of questions to ask, just going with the flow and trusting that by listening to what is said, the next question will make itself known.
That is why these days I tend to be quiet when in a group, I am listening and observing. Yes, I will speak but for now it is trying to learn about the dynamics of the family and trying not to add to the noise and insecurities of those present.
Suggestion, next time you are in a group sit back and watch and listen, what are you seeing, witnessing?
Think about conversations with a partner or friend, do you interrupt each other without letting them finish what they were saying?
These are learned behaviours and they can be very damaging especially to children.
Why? Because when we don’t feel heard we don’t feel loved.
Suggestion. Spend some time with yourself, listen to you, hear what you have to say, acknowledge how things from the past have made you feel.
Listening to yourself, Loving yourself, is a great place to start to help heal you and just maybe support a healthier relationship with your family.
Namaste Sweet Soul
Copyright © Sara Jane 2022