Listen to Understand

Listen to Understand

By Sara Jane

Why is it that when we get together in a group, especially a family group that it is so noisy with everyone vying to speak at the same time?

Why do so many of us interrupt someone whilst they are still speaking, not listening to all they have to say?

Why do we feel the need to interject, to get a thought we have had aired immediately?

I know I have been very guilty of this and having become aware I now just tend to sit and listen, and I find it all so very sad.

Many don’t listen to understand, they listen to respond but they don’t wait to hear all that is being said.

This can happen with partners as well, it doesn’t have to be a group.

Why do we do this?

From my understanding it is insecurity, a desperate need to be heard because we don’t feel that we are listened to and heard.

The truth is whilst we keep doing the interrupting thing, we are unlikely to be.

Do you remember as a child trying to get your Mother or Father’s attention whilst they were talking to another adult and being told you don’t interrupt whilst I am talking to someone else?

Do you remember those family gatherings as a child when all the family was sat round the table and everyone was talking over each other, no one was listening, they were just talking, all trying to be heard?

You didn’t learn from what you were told, you learnt from what you witnessed the adults in your life doing.

Many of us feel as if our voice isn’t being heard, no one is listening and we are desperate to be heard.

Having started my own live shows in which I interview people, I have learnt the importance of listening to understand, especially as I love to work without a series of questions to ask, just going with the flow and trusting that by listening to what is said, the next question will make itself known.

That is why these days I tend to be quiet when in a group, I am listening and observing. Yes, I will speak but for now it is trying to learn about the dynamics of the family and trying not to add to the noise and insecurities of those present.

Suggestion, next time you are in a group sit back and watch and listen, what are you seeing, witnessing?

Think about conversations with a partner or friend, do you interrupt each other without letting them finish what they were saying?

These are learned behaviours and they can be very damaging especially to children.

Why? Because when we don’t feel heard we don’t feel loved.

Suggestion. Spend some time with yourself, listen to you, hear what you have to say, acknowledge how things from the past have made you feel.

Listening to yourself, Loving yourself, is a great place to start to help heal you and just maybe support a healthier relationship with your family.

Namaste Sweet Soul

If you would like to hear Sara read this article, click on the image above.

Copyright © Sara Jane 2022

Practise the Pause

Practise the Pause

By Sara Jane

Have you heard the saying “Practise the Pause”?

Have you thought about what that means?

Why more and more people are starting to do it, especially in contentious situations?

The older I have got the more I am learning that not everything requires a response and in some cases, taking time to think about it or as I put it “get my head wrapped round it” can be of great benefit.

Responding to something without having time to “take a breath” or give it some thought, can in too many cases lead to arguments, misunderstandings or major fallouts.

Many of these can be avoided if we Practise the Pause.

I know from personal experience, that reacting without giving something some real thought before responding, can lead to disagreements, arguments, harsh and angry words.

When we pause, we give ourselves the chance to review our own reaction to the words or situation and also to question, did they mean what I heard? Could you have misunderstood or misinterpreted the words they spoke?

By taking a step back, breathing and thinking about it, we can open to the fact that there may be a different way of hearing what has been said.

After all, we hear things from where we are at that point in time and if someone else has already “upset you”, you are more likely to be on the defence rather than having a more open mind.

Do you ever feel “why does this keep happening to me?

The answer is very simple because you keep responding using an old, outdated learned behaviour, one that no longer serves the person you are today.

This is one of the main reasons that taking a deep breath and Practising the Pause is so important, it enables you to consider your response, to find a different way to deal with an all too familiar situation and create a different outcome, hopefully supporting you to move on from experiencing similar situations in the future.

Practising the Pause is good for everyone involved, you and the individual who has tried to “tigger” you.

Love and be patient with yourself, you can let go of those old unwanted behaviours that no longer serve you, it just takes a deep breath and a little practice not to “bite” instantly when someone triggers you.

If you would like to listen to Sara read this article, please click on the image above

Copyright © Sara Jane 2022

Thought v Thinking

Thought v Thinking

By Sara Jane

Thoughts got me thinking, is there a difference?

According to the dictionary, the only difference is the tense.

But I feel there is more to it than that.

For me thinking is something that is very active and can be uncontrolled and controlled, it can also be productive and very unproductive, if we allow it to run away with us.

What do I mean by that?

We have a problem and we take time to think it through to hopefully remedy it but sometimes our thinking can veer off into worry and all the what if’s, if we don’t catch it and bring it back on track.

Therefore, thinking is a deliberate act.

Thought, the more I think about it the more I feel the unexpected, unexplained thoughts that pop into our head, the ones that are like light bulb moments, the ones that feel more like inspiration and intuition are our heart and soul speaking to us.

Catch these thoughts before the mind gets involved, feel them, listen to them, trust them.

Once the mind gets involved you start to think and find all the problems, the reasons why not.

Yes thinking can be a great ally when we can keep it on track but those random thoughts that pop into your head apparently unbidden are your greatest ally if you will but let yourself listen and understand the beautiful message they bring to you.

If you would like to listen to Sara read this article, click on the picture above

Copyright © Sara Jane 2022

A Gift or A Challenge

A Gift or A Challenge

“Everything Comes to You at the Right Time” ~ Unknown

By Sara Jane

When you look back at your life what do you see, a Gift or a Challenge?

Some of our greatest challenges when looked at with hindsight can be seen to be a Gift or a Blessing in disguise.

Not sure what I mean by this?

I can only share from my own personal experience and yes, by using hindsight.

I was scalded as a baby, spent 3 months in hospital and my 9 week old baby Sister died, all by the time I was 18 months old.

How these left me feeling over the next 35+ years and the resulting healing journey that I have been on, have certainly been a “challenge” but I can look back now and see the amazing Gift that it all was.

Why a Gift?

Because what I have learnt and experienced during my healing journey, now supports me to support others through theirs.

If I hadn’t experienced all the things I have during my formative years, 2o’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and on into my 60’s, I would have no understanding of the feelings of being unworthy, unloved, unwanted, not good enough etc.

Because I understand these feelings, having felt them very strongly and all the insecurities they bring with them, I can totally relate to others that have similar feelings.

Suggestion:

Look back over your own life, especially the more challenging times, the times when you felt things weren’t going your way.

Now look at where you are, what you have achieved.

Did you let the disappointments drag you down or did you pick yourself up and find something even better that has served you well?

There is another saying “Everything in Divine & Perfect Order Right Now” or as Louise Hay put it:

There is another quote by Neale Donald Walsch that I love “Perhaps when everything is falling apart it is actually falling together”

When we can learn to view everything as a gift, even our challenges, it is amazing how our outlook on life can change and how blessed and grateful we can feel in every moment of our lives.

Namaste Sweet Soul

You can listen to Sara read this article by clicking on the image above

Copyright © Sara Jane 2022

Integrity of Self

Integrity of Self

By Sara Jane

Integrity is a word we hear a lot, along with forgiveness, divine feminine, woo woo, equality and so many more.

What does integrity mean to you? Have you ever looked up its meaning?

This is what The Reader’s Digest Illustrated Dictionary (1984) says

“Strict adherence to a code of moral values, artistic principles or other standards: complete sincerity or honesty.

The state of being unimpaired; soundness

Completeness, unity”

We have been living in a time of very higher masculine energies, during which men have been “bullied” into being “strong” and not showing their feelings and women have felt impelled to tap deep into their masculine energies to compete in this masculine dominated world – is that really living in integrity with yourself?

Here are some points for us all to consider when thinking about integrity and our own behaviour.

Moral Values:

What are moral values and whose definition is it?

Different cultures and religions have varying moral values, around many differing aspects of life:

  • masculine and feminine
  • education
  • love, relationships
  • freedom of choice
  • life & death both human & animal

Standards:

  • Standards vary, depending on your upbringing, family, friends, education.
  • What is acceptable to one, may be completely unacceptable to another and that can be within the same family, village, town or city, then you have Countries Worldwide.

Unimpaired:

  • At what stage can we genuinely feel unimpaired by our surroundings and society to live in full integrity with our self?
  • This will vary for us all; it depends on when we “wake up” to alternative ways of Being and living our lives. When we realise that we can let go of all or much of what we were taught and can make our own choices.

Completeness:

  • What does it mean to feel “complete”, “whole”?
  • Is it about feeling a balance of Yin & Yang and understanding that to live in integrity it is important to hold both the energies of our masculine and feminine?
  • That we should be true to and honour ourselves in the fullness of who We are.

For me Integrity starts with ourselves, with how we treat ourselves and how we allow others to treat us.

Do you listen to your heart or your over thinking mind when it comes to your behaviour and reactions to other people and occurrences?

Have you questioned what you were taught as a child and been open to listening to alternative ways of understanding the world around you?

Are you open to the fact that there is no right way or wrong way, just the way that resonates with you in any given moment?

Do you accept that others have different beliefs and understandings to your own and that to live in integrity with ourself it is important to encourage others to live in integrity with their own beliefs, even if they are not our own?

Yes, there are a lot of questions here and it is for each of us to answer them as honestly as we can. We will not all have the same answers but to live in integrity with ourselves is to honour our beliefs and understand and honour that others do the same.

Namaste Sweet Soul

You can listen to Sara read this article by clicking on the image above

Copyright © Sara Jane 2022

Heart or Head

Heart or Head:

Do you take Things to Heart or into Your Head?

By Sara Jane

I think most of us have heard the saying “taking things to heart” but have you thought about what that really means?

For me it always meant that if someone did or said something that “hurt” me or caused me “pain”, that I took it personally, that it was potentially an insult or slight against me, a judgement that I wasn’t good enough and that there was something wrong with me.

Suggestion, think about what that saying “means” to you, how would you interpret it?

Situations in which you could “Take things to heart”

  • Told you are stupid or an idiot
  • Being told you are a waste of space
  • Being belittled by a parent, teacher, friend, classmate
  • Being ignored, overlooked
  • Break-up of a friendship
  • Break-up of a relationship, engagement, marriage
  • Someone who is just very rude to you, it could be a complete stranger
  • And I am sure you can come up with many more

When we “feel” emotional hurt or pain do we really take them to heart?

Recently I was part of a Today’s Conversation program in which our guest talked about taking things to heart and it suddenly hit me, we don’t take it to heart, we take it straight to our head, our mind, our ego which then weaves stories around what has been said or done, usually making us “feel” a lot worse than we need to.

What do I mean by this?

So much of our pain and feelings of rejection come from the thoughts that we have about situations, if we try to step outside those feelings and raging thoughts and view the whole situation from the outside in, rather than the inside out, we can hopefully see the bigger picture.

If you have ever finished a relationship, friendship, you have done it because it is the right thing for you, not because you wish to hurt the other person or people. And it is very important for us all to be true to ourselves.

Opening our mind to all sides of the “story” won’t stop us from feeling hurt but it can stop the tirade of negative thoughts that “add fuel to the fire” of pain.

The thought that came to me was that if we truly took things to our heart, we would wrap it in love, care, consideration and understanding, not the poor me, why me etc trap that we fall into all too easily.

Suggestion: If there is something going on at the moment or next time something happens and you find yourself in your head “thinking” it is your heart that is hurting, where is the real source of your pain?

Yes things others do or say can hurt us but we don’t have to wallow in that pain and hurt. Acknowledge (hopefully) be grateful for the experiences and time together and as best you can, let it go.

What has happened is unlikely to be a reflection of anything you have done but it is about what is going on in the other person’s life, it is their stuff not yours.

Love yourself enough to accept an ending gracefully, have your tears and then turn round and be ready for the new doors that are opening for you

You can listen to Sara read the article by clicking on the image above

Copyright © Sara Jane 2022

Healthy Self-Analysis

Healthy Self-Analysis:

Understanding the Part your Past Plays in Who You are Today

By Sara Jane

Self-analysis doesn’t have to be judgemental and critical; the truth is it shouldn’t be either of those things.

It should be about learning about yourself and how your past experiences and the feelings they bought up in you, affect your life today.

Since I started my “Healing Journey” following a “wake-up call” in the form of a broken jaw, some 25 years ago, I have been open to exploring past experiences, especially when something appears to “Trigger” me.

These triggers can come in many shapes and forms but are usually activated by either words or something that happens.

Literally within the last few days an incident has happened to me, I was walking my niece’s little dog when I tripped over a root or something that sent me flying and I literally ended up falling flat in my face.

Gratefully nothing is broken, just a few cuts, including a split lip with 2 chipped front teeth and bruises plus pretty badly shaken.

These days I tend to go into, why? what is this trying to tell me? what do I need to look at in my past so that I can help it to heal?

Knowing that my initial childhood trauma was boiling milk going over my face and down my neck with the jumper I was wearing sticking to my skin and that my wake-up call was a broken jaw, my feeling is that it is something connected to one or both of them.

This is what I mean by healthy self-analysis, knowing your story and exploring how each aspect of it could still be controlling your life today.

It is possible to learn to understand yourself, why you react in the way you do and support yourself to grow out of those behaviours that have served their purpose and that purpose was very likely to help protect you.

My suggestion if you are feeling drawn to look back, is to find somewhere quiet, turn off phones etc, a safe space, a walk in the countryside, a meditation and ask your mind, your higher self to allow a remembering of something that is relevant to what is happening or has just happened.

You can by all means ask for help and support from me, an understanding friend who is willing to listen or a professional.

Understanding our story and how it impacts on our life is a major step on our journey to healing.

The more love we show ourselves, all aspects, the more in tune we become with the person we are here to be.

Remember, it could be our higher self or the Universe trying to get our attention, the sooner we listen the easier it can be on us.

You can listen to Sara read this blog by clicking on the image above

Copyright © Sara Jane 2022

Life: What’s it all about?

Life: What’s it all about?

By Sara Jane

Life. Have you ever asked yourself or thought about why you are here?

Many have and either we can’t answer the question or there are many different answers.

Are we here to earn lots of money?

Are we here to own a big house?

Are we here to have a big flashy car?

Are we here to travel the world?

Are we here to marry and have children?

Are we here to write an amazing piece of music or a best seller?

Are we here to win a race or competition?

Are we here to make a difference in someone else’s life?

Are we here to be of service or be served?

It could be all of these or none of them.

If you have asked yourself this question or asked it of others, think about the answer or answers you have received – do any of them resonate with you?

This is a question that seems to raise more questions than answers.

Having read the first 3 “Conversations with God” books by Neale Donald Walsch, I have found an answer that feels right for me.

We are here to experience.

Experience what? Everything.

Light & dark. Heat & cold. Wealth & poverty. Health & ill health, the list goes on.

Why would we do that I can hear some of you ask?

That is because, for me, you are thinking with your human mind, the monkey mind that sees “good” and “bad”.

Why would we choose anything that we label “bad”. We wouldn’t but our Soul does.

My understanding is that we all come from love, our Soul lives permanently in the light of love, connected to our Creator and to each other.

Therefore, our Soul only knows Love and takes the opportunity when it spends a short time inhabiting a human body, a flesh covered skeleton, to learn and experience itself more fully and it can only do this by choosing different experiences.

I am sure you have heard it said, “how can you know light if you don’t know the dark?”, “how can you know Love if you don’t know hate?”

So, I see it that we are here to get to know ourselves, to learn, to grow from the experiences we have chosen before we inhabit this body and will choose before we inhabit the next one.

So why are we here? We are here to experience all of the above and so much more over many lifetimes.

As each lifetime ends, we return to that place of Love, to fully encompassing being a Soul of pure love. A Soul that resides in us all, until we choose the next group of experiences that supports the growth and understanding of the beautiful Being that each and every one of us is.

You can listen to Sara read the article by clicking on the image above

Copyright © Sara Jane 2022

No Mistakes – No Regrets

No Mistakes – No Regrets

By Sara Jane

Is there such a thing as a Mistake?

What do you understand by the word Mistake?

The dictionary* definition is “An error or fault. A misconception or misunderstanding”

Let’s take these one at a time shall we

Error – we are all very aware of the errors that occur using technology, the program is only as good as the code input and if there has been a mistype, that can cause real issues with a system.

But what about in your own life, do you make errors or is it just that you have made the best choice you felt you could with the information you had at the time?

Personally, I don’t see them as errors, you have had the courage to take action with the knowledge you had and now you have more knowledge. With the increased knowledge you may realise that there are now other alternatives and you wouldn’t do the same thing again but you have learnt and grown.

Fault – this word to me implies that someone is judging another, again from my perspective, unless you have lived my life and walked in my shoes, you have no idea the information and understanding of things that I have, so there is no fault.

It may be a “bad” outcome for them and an excellent outcome for someone else, it is all about perspective.

Misconception / Misunderstanding – Although there may be many similarities in the way we are raised, our family lives and experiences can be very different and this “colours” our understanding of words and actions.

Your intended meaning may be fully understood by one person and completely misunderstood by another and all the levels in between.

If in doubt ask, many an argument or disagreement could be resolved if only we would talk to each other and get clarification that the meaning we read into it, is the meaning intended.

Never regret being yourself, never regret doing anything you have done with the best of intentions.

The only thing I would say, is if your intention is to do something nice for someone, make sure it is something they would really like, just because we may appreciate it, doesn’t mean another will. If in doubt, always ask.

So, are there ever really any misstates? No, just the best action with the knowledge we have at the time and you don’t have to listen to other people’s judgement of you, that is their stuff not yours.

Therefore, is there any reason for regrets? No not if your intention is good and you live from your heart.

Namaste Sweet Soul

You can listen to Sara read this article by clicking on the picture above.

*From the Readers Digest Great Illustrated Dictionary

Copyright © Sara Jane 2022

Love is the Greatest Healer

Love Is The Greatest Healer

By Sara Jane

Love is the greatest healer and let that love start with you.

Whatever is going on in the world around you, tap into the love that is your true being.

Love can support you through anything.

Love, can heal the hurt others, knowingly or unknowingly inflict on you.

When you love yourself and know your own worth, no one can take that away from you.

Love is a selfless act of caring, of being true to you.

When you truly love yourself, you will bring more love, caring, understanding, empathy to others.

Hold love in your heart and offer it to everyone, no exceptions.

Everyone needs to feel loved, whatever their age, their circumstances, their actions.

Those that require love most are those that don’t love themselves, they have never been taught that it is OK to be the love of your own life, and so they hurt others because that is how they feel.

When you are completely comfortable with yourself, you have no need to prove anything to anyone, no need to strike out, bully, belittle anyone else, to make yourself appear “big”.

When you love yourself, your beauty shines from within and any insecurities you may have will melt away.

Love can heal the greatest of traumas and bring peace into your life.

Get to know yourself and if there is anything you don’t like, acknowledge it and grow from it into a better you, a more loving you.

You can choose in any given moment who you are and how you wish to behave.

Trust your gut, your feelings, your intuition, the love in your heart, they will not let you down.

Let yourself be the Love of your own life

Namaste Sweet Soul

You can listen to Sara read this article by clicking on the image above

Copyright © Sara Jane 2022

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