By Sara Jane
Recently I had an experience/awareness that has helped me heal an aspect of my younger self.
I was walking through some local woodland when I started thinking about the theme of a video share I was doing with Enolia (Today’s Conversation, a mini-series we are doing together) a little later that day. Yes, the same Enolia that is joining us here on The Magic Happens as one of the Authors.
I was thinking about the trauma I experienced as a very young child, both physical & emotional, and was I affected by PTSD?
One of the symptoms of PTSD, to my knowledge, is nightmares, so I started thinking about dreams and the truth is I don’t dream or at least I never remember my dreams.
I started thinking more deeply about this and wondered whether I had managed to switch off dreaming, after all I was only a year old when all that happened and reliving the scalding and time in hospital, with no way of asking for help, would only have added to the trauma.
Then I started thinking about my “wake-up call”, my jaw was broken by a dentist whilst extracting a wisdom tooth and I didn’t know it was broken for a week.
That had left me with 6 months of pain & sleepless nights and when I did sleep I had to wake up to turn over.
This flow of thought opened up a lot more, I’d never slept well and still don’t, so was the waking up every couple of hours or so the way I stopped myself from dreaming?
Was I afraid of dreaming without realising it? Wow for over 60 years.
I decided to connect with my 36/37-year-old me and ask me how I felt at the time of the broken jaw. What feelings had come up for me?
The baby me had been in pain around her face and neck, she was put in hospital for 3 months with a visit from her parents once a week for an hour (all due to circumstances not a lack of love, that’s another story).
I was also in pain in my face and head, no one had listened to me when I said something wasn’t right and even after the x-rays showed a broken jaw, there wasn’t much in the way of apologies.
When I came out of hospital after the operation, my husband warmed me some soup that night and then from the following morning just expected me to be OK.
What I didn’t realise at the time was that all the old feelings from my early childhood had just come right back to the fore, awakened by the current situation.
I think a “wake-up call” is a great name for it.
Whilst I was walking in the woods I listened to my younger self, I opened to her feelings and let her know just how much I loved her and was there for her. I have also spent time with her since and know she is feeling so much better.
Your younger self, isn’t just about our Inner Child, it is us of any age and any experiences that are not fully resolved.
I share this experience with you, with the hope it will help you along your own healing journey.
A brilliant quote I came across recently, explains this beautifully
“As traumatised children we always dreamed that someone would come and save us. We never dreamed that it would in fact, be ourselves as adults.” ~ Alice Little
If you would like to watch/listen to Sara read this article, click on the video below