By Sara Jane
When you hear someone say you really should do that – there is no “should” about it.
It is your choice, listen to your gut instincts, your intuition, how does it feel to you?
Is the person who has said it doing it? Or are they just telling you “you should” because they don’t have the courage to or some other reason.
By all means it is great that we all share ideas and opportunities, but it is not for any of us to tell another what they should or shouldn’t do.
The simple answer is NO, unless it really resonates with you and you do it because you choose to, not because someone else has told you “you should”.
It is time to reset your thinking from should, must, have to, no choice etc.
Are there times when you feel you really should do something, even if you would prefer not to?
This is about making a judgement call and think about whatever it is and weighing it up.
Give it thought, think about the affects on you and others, think about the time and timing. Probably most important of all speak to anyone else that may be involved.
Your timing may not be their timing and vice versa.
Sometimes we are thinking about doing something out of kindness, like visiting someone who is sick or trying to be helpful to someone who is struggling.
If that is what you are thinking you “should” do, find out first and foremost if it is convenient and ask what works for them.
Many “shoulds, musts, have to’s” can end up leaving us wondering why we bothered because we thought we were being “nice” but it really didn’t work for the other involved.
Learning to talk to each other is a really great step forward. Someone knowing you are thinking about them may be all that is “required” and everyone is happy.
Many people have grown up being taught to think about others and not themselves.
Truth is none of us really knows what is going on in another’s life or head and we are not mind readers – so ask.
You can always say No and make an alternative suggestion.
It is time to reset your thinking about others, that it is good to offer help and support, it is also great to receive it, as, when and how it is appropriate for each individual.
There were times I found myself wanting to use the “should” word when writing this and I had to find another way of writing what I was trying to say.
To me the word “should” feels like I am being told I have to do something and we don’t have to do anything we don’t choose to do.
Sometimes it feels like we have Hobson’s Choice, that we have to make the best of what we feel is a bad situation but we still have a choice and if we actually had the courage to speak to people we could find that there are other choices or the whole thing could just go away.
Copyright © Sara Jane 2018
It is Always Your Choice
By Sara Jane
Every breath you take, every step you take, every move you make – it is your choice.
Every Yes you say, every No you say – it is your choice.
Now I get it, sometimes it feels as if you have Hobson’s choice but you still have a choice.
Remember when you do nothing, you make a choice by default.
How do you choose?
What are the criteria that helps you make your decision?
Do you listen to others, do you listen to your thoughts, do you listen to your Heart?
Does what others want or what you think they want guide your choice?
Or do you allow yourself to “feel” your way to your decision?
Do you listen to your Heart, your intuition, your gut instinct?
How many times have you “felt” your answer and ignored it because of what you thought other people would think or say?
Questions, questions, questions.
The only person who knows how you feel and what you would like, is you. All those around you are not mind readers.
And truth be told unless the people in your life talk to you honestly and openly about what their choices are, neither are you.
None of us know what is going on in another’s mind – even if you think they are sharing with you, there is something that may get left out.
So what choices are you making today? And why have you made that particular choice?
What is your reasoning and how is it making you feel?
Your choices for your life experiences should make you happy, excited, fill you with anticipation and maybe a few nerves.
When was the last time you did something new?
When was the last time you surprise yourself and did something out of pure spontaneity?
Is it time to take that leap of faith, regardless of what anyone else may think?
Only you can answer these questions for you, after all it is your life and everything in it and about it is your choice.
Stop giving your power away, take it back.
The happiness, the fulfilment, the joy, the love & the laughter you are looking for are all within you.
“Stop pushing so hard on the door looking for happiness. It opens inwards” Unknown
“If you say you have no choice, it means that the choice is Already Made” ~ Fazil Iskander
“If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree” ~ Jim Rohn
Copyright © Sara Jane 2018
What Does That Mean to You?
By Sara Jane
When someone tells you to “Let Go”, what does that mean to you?
To me I have always thought that it meant I would lose whatever or whoever it was, like trying to hold on in a raging river or gale force wind – you let go and it is lost to you forever.
So, is that why we are so hell bent on holding on to things, even if they no longer work for us, for fear of losing them completely?
I have come to understand that “Letting Go” is more a matter of “Freeing” something or someone, giving them free choice to stay or go.
Yes, you may still lose them but if they choose to stay, the energy of the relationship, the friendship is totally different.
It is lighter, more energised, more relaxed and free flowing and a lot healthier than trying to cling on for dear life.
The desperation, the insecurities, the frustration, the uncertainties evaporate – you and they are there because you choose to be, not because of invisible chains.
Look at your life, are you holding someone back or is someone holding you back?
Talk to them and listen to them, cut the chains and step into the freedom of choice.
Have you heard the saying “Let Go and Let God”?
Whatever you perceive God to be (Source, Creator, Great Mystery and so many other names), all this asks of us is that we offer the situation up and step back from the outcome.
Life goes on in the meantime but we stop “trying” so hard, we are honest with our self, we are true to our self and we let the other person or people be true to them self.
After all the majority of situations have other people involved.
Letting go can be the most empowering thing you can do for yourself and all those involved, it creates a more conducive energy for all involved to think more clearly, more realistically, more honestly and from the Heart and not the head.
I’m not sure who is guiding me with writing this article, however I am sure that that is what is happening.
I suppose for many years now I have just “trusted”.
I let go of outcomes, after all most of the time they are outside of my control and when it comes to the work I do with clients, it is, I feel, essential for me to stay detached from the outcome. That way I hope I enable them to fully use and be empowered by what we do together for their highest good.
When we get involved in other people’s stories we can add fuel to the fire rather than help them to put it out.
Another aspect of Letting Go is about your past, what has happened to you.
Yes, we do need to deal with it, acknowledge it and then let it go, we don’t live there anymore.
Letting Go is the most empowering thing we can do, after loving our self completely and unconditionally.
What has happened has happened, you can’t change it but you can learn from it and grow from it.
By letting it go you can use it as a stepping stone on your life path, if you hold on to it, it becomes a burden for you to carry around.
Love yourself enough to let go of all that no longer serves you, if it is to stay in your life, it will stay in a different more empowering form.
Copyright © Sara Jane 2017