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Have you ever felt Rejected? Part 3

Have you ever felt Rejected?

Do you feel useless, unwanted, unloved, not good enough?

Does one or more of these resonate with you?

Part 3

This is part 3 of a 3 part blog; if you haven’t read the first 2 they are below and reading them will help make more sense of this one.

I have written them with the intention of helping people know they aren’t alone when it comes to feeling rejected and also to share some of the techniques I have used to help myself with my healing journey.

I have shared with you in parts 1 & 2 the experiences I had that resulted in me spending nearly 40 years of my life feeling unloved, unlovable and not good enough.

I was desperate to be liked, to be taken notice of, so much so that I spent my time trying to second guess how people would like me to be, what they would like me to say and do and too scared to do things out of the ordinary for fear of what others would think.

When I heard people say “I know who I am and I like who I am”, I really couldn’t understand, as I had no idea of who I was or how to find me.

Well the wake-up call came in late 1996 when the dentist broke my jaw whilst extracting a wisdom tooth. It took a week before we knew it was broken, at which point I went to the hospital, had a 3 hour wait and the x-rays even surprised the doctors & nurses. The following day I had a 2 hour operation to put my jaw bone back in place as best as possible (it had moved out of alignment) and it was pinned in place.

Six months of pain & sleepless nights followed; none of the pain killers or sleeping tablets I was given worked. In the end my doctor put me on morphine and referred me to the pain control clinic.

That did the trick, it broke the cycle of pain and spasm but by this time I was exhausted and I realised just how much of my life I had lived as an act. I couldn’t do it anymore, I had to find out who I was; I needed space to understand all the whys and wherefores in my life.

I asked to see a psychotherapist so that I could talk to someone about my life, what I had been doing, why I had been doing it. Ten months, that was all it took and at the end she said to me “what you have achieved in 10 months most people don’t achieve in 2 years”.

At this point I moved to Bournemouth which is where I currently live and I started to look for something that I could do to help myself. Well it is very difficult to massage yourself, especially your neck and shoulders were you tend to need it most; so what could I learn that I could do for me?

Then I heard about Reiki, as a Reiki level 1 the first person you treat is yourself, “YES” that was what I was looking for, so I did my Reiki l and made a point of “giving” myself a session every day.

I feel very blessed that my healing journey has been relatively “easy”; don’t get me wrong there were times I felt the pain of reliving experiences; I have had and still sometimes get the tears as more layers shift and clear but I am open to it, I welcome it, I actually enjoy knowing that I am growing.

What is my point in sharing all of this with you? Simple, what I have come to understand is that the only person who can heal you is you. The only person who can let go of the negative aspects of the experiences in your life is you.

Yes others can make suggestions, can guide you, can support you but only you can do the letting go and welcome the healing in. Look for what you can do for yourself and do it. Listen to suggestions but find what feels right for you. When you step up and take control of your life, your healing process, it is amazing how much more easily things happen.

Be prepared to give it time, years don’t heel in minutes; be gentle with yourself but strong ~ you can do it.

The universe gave me a wonderful gift last year. In March 2011 I was accepted to be on The Weakest Link, it was filmed on 15th March and shown on BBC 2 on 18th May 2011. Although I didn’t get a question wrong I was quoted off first.

The old Sara would have felt so rejected but I didn’t, in fact I was very calm about the whole thing and had some wonderful conversations with the staff at the studios, even getting hugs from some of them because of my attitude and the fact they were disappointed for me.

A few days later I realised the gift I had been given, the universe had shown me that I had let go of all my feelings and fears of rejection and helped me understand how our own reactions to situations create outcomes.

I hope that something here has resonated with you and that you are feeling more positive about the fact that there are “things” out there that can help and support you ~ explore the many options and go with what feels “right” for you.

At the end of the previous 2 blogs I have asked a question (if you haven’t already sent me an answer, please feel free to) and I now have a third question for you:

“If you had a magic wand, what would be the ideal solution for you?”

Thank you to all of you who have replied so far and I look forward to reading more replies.

Love, Peace & Light

Sara Jane

Have you ever felt rejected? ~ http://youtu.be/awzpK7XOE5I

Have you ever felt Rejected? Part 2

Have you ever felt Rejected?

Do you feel useless, unwanted, unloved, not good enough?

Does one or more of these resonate with you?

Part 2

Thank you for coming to my blog, this is Part 2 so if you haven’t read part 1, may I suggest you take a look as it will help you to understand this one better Click Here

Words and how they can be misunderstood

Jane had a nickname “Pickle Puss”; the word “pickle” is also an affectionate term for mischievous, a little naughty ~ “you are being a pickle”, “that’s very picklish”. Which when it was said with a smile or a little laughter really helped Jane feel that it was OK, even that she was liked ~ she was too young to know the meaning of the word in this context. She felt she was being told this was who she was and this was OK.

As with all things eventually the charm wears off and “you are being a pickle” and “that’s very picklish” turned into “Don’t be such a pickle”.

That sense of rejection was back; Jane now felt she was being told not to be herself.

The word “Little” is another word for “small, petite or young” but it can also mean “insignificant”; there is a saying “Of little or no use”.

Jane’s family were living in Warrington and there was another family up the road who also had a young daughter called Jane. This Jane was a little older and so the families started to refer to them as Big Jane and Little Jane. Yes Jane was “Little” Jane and for whatever reasons she did not see it as a compliment.

By the time Jane started school in 1963 her parents had moved from Warrington to Bushey and it was when she started school that she changed her name and told everyone that she was called Sara (said Sarah).

This really confused the family but the school thought of her as Sara and so Sara it was.

Yes, this is my story, this all happened to me; to this day I still have the scar on my neck where the jumper stuck to it, a constant reminder to an accident that was the start of so many misunderstandings; of a child’s interpretation of situations and words that it was just not possible for the parents (my parents) to be able to explain because I was too young to understand.

Words: they can have different meanings depending on the context they are said or written in, the tone of voice used, even the expression on the persons face as they say them.

There is no age at which we understanding fully what the other person has meant; we all say things that others hear something different to what we meant; we all hear things and are surprised by what we are hearing ~ our interpretation).

Have you heard what the other person meant?

I’m serious ~ I could stand up in front of 100 people and say something and I could guarantee that there would be if not 100 different interpretations of what I have said, quite a few; not all 100 people will have heard what I meant.

It isn’t always down to the person who has made the comment, in a lot of cases it is the mood, the circumstances, the frustrations of the person hearing the comment or remark.

If you are “surprised” by what you hear from someone, ask “Did you mean what I heard?” (not “what you said”, because of course they meant what they said) then put into your own words what you heard. Hopefully this will help to clear the air and prevent a misunderstanding.

The same goes if you have said something and you see someone’s expression change ~ ask “What do you think I just said”, hopefully they will put it in their own words. Again it can be talked through and a misunderstanding avoided.

At the end of the last blog I asked you to share with me the answer to a question and I thank all of you that have so far ~ please keep that sharing coming.

I have another question for you and would love to hear your answers.

“What’s happening in your life as a result of these feelings of Rejection?”

Love, Peace & Light

Sara Jane