You Didn’t Become Selfish You Became Harder to Manipulate

By Sara Jane

We all have a story to tell:

  • the story of our life
  • the experiences we have gone through
  • how they made us feel
  • the affect those feelings had on our belief in ourself
  • our wakeup call
  • finding ourself
  • our growth into who we should be

Many people who have had a traumatic experience, especially in their early years, become people pleasers, which is a classic trauma response.

If that trauma left you with feelings of being unloved, unwanted, not good enough etc, you take on board as fact and truth anything “negative” others say about you, struggling with anything positive, loving and caring.

You can be so desperate to be accepted and not upset others that you always say Yes to them, follow their rules, their wants and ignore your own.

You become lost in what other people say about you and what you think they are thinking about you.

Then one day something happens that (whether quickly or over a period of time) opens your eyes and your heart to yourself.

A light bulb moment of why am I worrying about what others think about me, when they aren’t, they have too much going on in their own life?

Quote “What other people think of me is none of my business” Dr. Wayne Dyer

For me this was really freeing, somehow it gave me permission to live my life as I chose to, to do the things I chose to do and to have the courage to say No, when I didn’t wish to do something, for whatever reason.

I was learning to love myself, to have thought care and consideration for me.

When we start to find ourselves, unlearning everything we thought we knew about ourself from what others said and how they behaved, we become less easy to manipulate.

Those that always got us to do what they wanted start hearing No, from us and start calling us selfish with the hope of regaining control.

Remember they are the ones who are being selfish, they are just projecting on to you how they are.

Your story is a powerful tool to support others to wake-up to their own lives, the courage to take back control and say Yes to themselves.

NB: the title was part of a quote I saw on Facebook and although I have tried to find out who said it, I couldn’t find a definitive answer.

Copyright © Sara Jane 2024

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