This is part 3 of a 3 part blog; if you haven’t read the first 2 they are below and reading them will help make more sense of this one.
I have written them with the intention of helping people know they aren’t alone when it comes to feeling rejected and also to share some of the techniques I have used to help myself with my healing journey.
I have shared with you in parts 1 & 2 the experiences I had that resulted in me spending nearly 40 years of my life feeling unloved, unlovable and not good enough.
I was desperate to be liked, to be taken notice of, so much so that I spent my time trying to second guess how people would like me to be, what they would like me to say and do and too scared to do things out of the ordinary for fear of what others would think.
When I heard people say “I know who I am and I like who I am”, I really couldn’t understand, as I had no idea of who I was or how to find me.
Well the wake-up call came in late 1996 when the dentist broke my jaw whilst extracting a wisdom tooth. It took a week before we knew it was broken, at which point I went to the hospital, had a 3 hour wait and the x-rays even surprised the doctors & nurses. The following day I had a 2 hour operation to put my jaw bone back in place as best as possible (it had moved out of alignment) and it was pinned in place.
Six months of pain & sleepless nights followed; none of the pain killers or sleeping tablets I was given worked. In the end my doctor put me on morphine and referred me to the pain control clinic.
That did the trick, it broke the cycle of pain and spasm but by this time I was exhausted and I realised just how much of my life I had lived as an act. I couldn’t do it anymore, I had to find out who I was; I needed space to understand all the whys and wherefores in my life.
I asked to see a psychotherapist so that I could talk to someone about my life, what I had been doing, why I had been doing it. Ten months, that was all it took and at the end she said to me “what you have achieved in 10 months most people don’t achieve in 2 years”.
At this point I moved to Bournemouth which is where I currently live and I started to look for something that I could do to help myself. Well it is very difficult to massage yourself, especially your neck and shoulders were you tend to need it most; so what could I learn that I could do for me?
Then I heard about Reiki, as a Reiki level 1 the first person you treat is yourself, “YES” that was what I was looking for, so I did my Reiki l and made a point of “giving” myself a session every day.
I feel very blessed that my healing journey has been relatively “easy”; don’t get me wrong there were times I felt the pain of reliving experiences; I have had and still sometimes get the tears as more layers shift and clear but I am open to it, I welcome it, I actually enjoy knowing that I am growing.
What is my point in sharing all of this with you? Simple, what I have come to understand is that the only person who can heal you is you. The only person who can let go of the negative aspects of the experiences in your life is you.
Yes others can make suggestions, can guide you, can support you but only you can do the letting go and welcome the healing in. Look for what you can do for yourself and do it. Listen to suggestions but find what feels right for you. When you step up and take control of your life, your healing process, it is amazing how much more easily things happen.
Be prepared to give it time, years don’t heel in minutes; be gentle with yourself but strong ~ you can do it.
The universe gave me a wonderful gift last year. In March 2011 I was accepted to be on The Weakest Link, it was filmed on 15th March and shown on BBC 2 on 18th May 2011. Although I didn’t get a question wrong I was quoted off first.
The old Sara would have felt so rejected but I didn’t, in fact I was very calm about the whole thing and had some wonderful conversations with the staff at the studios, even getting hugs from some of them because of my attitude and the fact they were disappointed for me.
A few days later I realised the gift I had been given, the universe had shown me that I had let go of all my feelings and fears of rejection and helped me understand how our own reactions to situations create outcomes.
I hope that something here has resonated with you and that you are feeling more positive about the fact that there are “things” out there that can help and support you ~ explore the many options and go with what feels “right” for you.
At the end of the previous 2 blogs I have asked a question (if you haven’t already sent me an answer, please feel free to) and I now have a third question for you:
“If you had a magic wand, what would be the ideal solution for you?”
Thank you to all of you who have replied so far and I look forward to reading more replies.
Love, Peace & Light
Have you ever felt rejected? ~ http://youtu.be/awzpK7XOE5I
Thank you for coming to my blog, this is Part 2 so if you haven’t read part 1, may I suggest you take a look as it will help you to understand this one better Click Here
Jane had a nickname “Pickle Puss”; the word “pickle” is also an affectionate term for mischievous, a little naughty ~ “you are being a pickle”, “that’s very picklish”. Which when it was said with a smile or a little laughter really helped Jane feel that it was OK, even that she was liked ~ she was too young to know the meaning of the word in this context. She felt she was being told this was who she was and this was OK.
As with all things eventually the charm wears off and “you are being a pickle” and “that’s very picklish” turned into “Don’t be such a pickle”.
That sense of rejection was back; Jane now felt she was being told not to be herself.
The word “Little” is another word for “small, petite or young” but it can also mean “insignificant”; there is a saying “Of little or no use”.
Jane’s family were living in Warrington and there was another family up the road who also had a young daughter called Jane. This Jane was a little older and so the families started to refer to them as Big Jane and Little Jane. Yes Jane was “Little” Jane and for whatever reasons she did not see it as a compliment.
By the time Jane started school in 1963 her parents had moved from Warrington to Bushey and it was when she started school that she changed her name and told everyone that she was called Sara (said Sarah).
This really confused the family but the school thought of her as Sara and so Sara it was.
Yes, this is my story, this all happened to me; to this day I still have the scar on my neck where the jumper stuck to it, a constant reminder to an accident that was the start of so many misunderstandings; of a child’s interpretation of situations and words that it was just not possible for the parents (my parents) to be able to explain because I was too young to understand.
Words: they can have different meanings depending on the context they are said or written in, the tone of voice used, even the expression on the persons face as they say them.
There is no age at which we understanding fully what the other person has meant; we all say things that others hear something different to what we meant; we all hear things and are surprised by what we are hearing ~ our interpretation).
Have you heard what the other person meant?
I’m serious ~ I could stand up in front of 100 people and say something and I could guarantee that there would be if not 100 different interpretations of what I have said, quite a few; not all 100 people will have heard what I meant.
It isn’t always down to the person who has made the comment, in a lot of cases it is the mood, the circumstances, the frustrations of the person hearing the comment or remark.
If you are “surprised” by what you hear from someone, ask “Did you mean what I heard?” (not “what you said”, because of course they meant what they said) then put into your own words what you heard. Hopefully this will help to clear the air and prevent a misunderstanding.
The same goes if you have said something and you see someone’s expression change ~ ask “What do you think I just said”, hopefully they will put it in their own words. Again it can be talked through and a misunderstanding avoided.
At the end of the last blog I asked you to share with me the answer to a question and I thank all of you that have so far ~ please keep that sharing coming.
I have another question for you and would love to hear your answers.
“What’s happening in your life as a result of these feelings of Rejection?”
Love, Peace & Light
There are many of you out there who understand this. How many years have you felt like this? YES years.
Can you pinpoint how and when it started? Let me share a little of Jane’s story with you. This is a true story, a simplified version.
Jane was born in 1958, the first born and a very much wanted and loved little girl. Just before her first birthday in 1959 a nasty accident at home involving a boiling milk coffee resulted in her spending 3 months, including her 1st Birthday, in Liverpool Burns Unit.
In those days parents/mothers were not allowed to stay with their child, in fact the rules of the hospital at the time were that parents could only visit every other day. Worse still because of the distance her parents lived from the hospital and the fact that they only had one car; they could only visit once a week.
Baby Jane before the accident.
By the time Jane came “home”, her parents had moved so she was bought home to unfamiliar surroundings. Her mother was also heavily pregnant and the pregnancy was not going well. Jane spent a lot of time with great Aunts & Uncles or going to work with her Father.
August 1959 saw the birth of her sister Gillian, who died 9 weeks later.
Baby Jane with her Sister Gillian.
Back in those days the “thoughts, guidelines” to parents were “if a child cries when you put them down to sleep; let them cry, they will eventually go off to sleep.” This was how Jane’s parents had been with both her & Gillian; Gillian’s death was classed as a cot death.
In August 1960 Jane’s sister Catherine was born and because of what had happened to Gillian every time Catherine cried their parents went running.
At a time when she need her parents most Jane felt totally rejected, unwanted and unloved. Three months in hospital at such a young age and little to no physical contact with her parents; of seeing them and wanting to go home with them and then being left behind.
Jane’s feelings of rejection didn’t stop at the stay in hospital, they were added to by coming home to unfamiliar surroundings. She then gave her love to her little sister who died ~ another perceived rejection. And then to top it all her parents went running every time her sister Catherine cried.
Research has now shown the emotional & psychological damage that extended stays in hospital without prolonged contact with the parents especially, the mother, causes. This is why Mothers today are encouraged to be with their children as much as possible and why there are also beds for them.
There are many things that happen in our lives that are out of our control. As an adult as frustrating as it is we do realise this but a young child doesn’t and there is no way that parents can explain to such young children that as much as they love them they can’t be with them when they are needed most.
Think about things that happened to you when you were younger; try thinking about them from an outsider’s point of view, an outsider who can see all of what is going on. View it with the knowledge that you have now; allowing yourself to feel what both sides were probably feeling as circumstances and rules took control of the situation.
A lot of things in life that cause the most emotional hurt involve circumstances that are out of the control of the people involved.
This story is real and is being shared for all of you that have experienced rejection of any sort that has affected your life and how you feel about yourself.
There is more and I am going to share it over a total of 3 blogs (hopefully 1 a week for 3 weeks), along with thoughts/ideas that I hope will help you overcome these feelings about yourself. In the meantime before the next blog please think about your story and share with me your answer to this question?
What is the single biggest fear you have when it comes to Rejection?
I look forward to hearing from you
Love, Peace & Light
Have you ever felt rejected? Video on You Tube by Sara Jane