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Revenge versus Forgiveness

Revenge versus Forgiveness

By Sara Jane

“If you want revenge because your feelings are hurt, all you can see is your own suffering.

But if you calm yourself and look more deeply, you will see that the person who hurt you is suffering too.”

~ Haemin Sunim from “The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down”


When we feel hurt, many of us react, respond as an automatic reaction.

However, if we take a step back and allow ourselves to really look at our feelings and the situation, perhaps we could find the truth of the situation.

What are you feeling Hurt or Angry about?

If hurt, why are you feeling hurt?

Do you see any truth in what has been said to you or about you?

If there is some truth, is it an uncomfortable truth that you realise is for you to “deal” with and is your reaction more akin to embarrassment?

Or a truth that is part of who you are and the discomfort is the other persons, not yours?

If angry, why are you feeling angry?

Is it a lie or something you feel is very unjustified?

Has it touched a raw spot in you?

Other people’s behaviour is down to them, your behaviour is your responsibility.

When you react hastily you could be compounding a hurt that the other individual has experienced and they are still in reaction mode or worse still revenge mode “someone is going to pay for that and I don’t care who”.

As the saying goes “Revenge is like a hot coal you hold in your hand and expect the other person to get burned”, while it festers in you, it does more damage to you than anyone else.

Should people get away with rude and nasty behaviour – no but sometimes the best course of action is to walk away, to maintain your own peace and “let them stew in their own juices” and you won’t be “adding fuel to the fire”.

Hopefully the next time you see them they will be in a better frame of mind and you can ask them how they are, how life is treating them?

If they are willing to talk and share, you may get to find out why they behaved in the way they did and come to realise that it had nothing to do with you, you were just the nearest verbal punching bag.

By all means let them know how it made you feel, you could even suggest that if it occurs again, please talk to me rather than do what they did.

Taking a deep breath and talking rather than reacting can stop a lot of unnecessary hurt and pain and prevent the need for either revenge or forgiveness – supporting love and understanding for ourselves and each other.

It is time to unlearn so many of our reactions, they have served their purpose and passed their sell by date by many years.

You are a Beautiful being of Light

“May the Energy of the Divine that Resides in us All Touch our Hearts and Fill them with Love for Ourselves and Each Other” ~ Sara Jane

You can listen to Sara read this article by clicking on the image above

Copyright © Sara Jane 2022

The Sweet Success of Rage

The Sweet Success of Rage

By Sara Jane

The definition of Rage according to “The Readers Digest Illustrated Dictionary”

“1.a. Extreme, vehement anger; fury b. a fit of anger – 2. Furious intensity, as of a storm or disease – 3. Burning desire or passion – 4. Informal A fade, a craze, very fashionable”

The rage I am referring to is anger.

Are you easily angered, or do you bottle up all those things that annoy you until you explode in a storm of rage?

I used to be the latter, I would bottle everything up and then the tiniest little thing would pop the cork and it was not a pretty sight.

It was a very rare occurrence but when it happened it was like a volcanic eruption and left me feeling totally drained.

I’m not proud of this, it was just a fact about me because back then I was so insecure, all I wanted to do was please people with the hope that folks would like me.

Saying No, doing something different, going against what others wanted, was not an option for fear of rejection.

Once I started, what I refer to as my “Healing Journey”, I came to realise just how destructive this bottling up was.

I also realised that all my thoughts about what people thought about me, well let’s just put it this way, most of the time they probably weren’t thinking about me because they had so much going on in their own lives.

This thought was actually a huge relief and I also came to understand that, if they were thinking about me, it didn’t matter anyway and what they were thinking was nothing to do with me.

I also realised that if something annoyed me, it was up to me to do something about it, not bottle it and if I could, “change” it and if I couldn’t do that, then I had other choices, I didn’t have to put up with it.

I started to realise that if something makes you angry, do something about it, let it out.

When you release it, it frees you, when you bottle it, it controls you.

I learnt to speak my mind, as kindly as possible but I learnt to honour myself and by letting go of the feelings of annoyance, anger & rage, I became more relaxed, calmer, happier (you could put so many different words here).

The success of expressing your anger and therefore letting it go, is freedom and a much happier you.

Copyright © Sara Jane 2018