By Sara Jane

Since writing my chapter for a new book, “Gifts of Wisdom”, being published on 8^th October 2024, I have come to understand more about my own experiences and the feelings that they created within me.

I never thought of myself as an angry person, I was, for many years, too busy being a people pleaser.

But recently the link between trauma and grief has been bought to my attention and that I am holding anger way deep inside me.

A question I have asked myself “Is it the incident which causes the trauma or the feelings it activates in us? Especially if we felt we weren’t listened to or believed, felt ignored, rejected, abandoned, filling us full of feelings of being unloved, unwanted, not good enough.”

It isn’t necessarily the physicality of what happened that causes us the greatest pain, with possible resultant anger, even if we do bury it along with other feelings because we don’t know how to deal with them.

When you experience any form of trauma or grief, it brings up feelings, as mentioned above. The younger we are the harder it is to name these feelings, let alone be able to express them.

We should never judge what can be traumatic to a child, a single word, a tone of voice, an action, can bring their world tumbling down around them.

Children aren’t as resilient as adults seem to think, they don’t understand or know how to deal with the mental and emotional pain. So much so, they bury their feelings deep within them. They may have no memory of what happened or how they felt but it all still lies at a deep cellular memory level within them.

I am sure there are more than 3 “outcomes” to behaviours that can result from trauma but I will stick with these 3

1. People pleasing
2. Anger, rebellion, unruliness
3. Fluctuating between people pleasing and anger

All of which are cries for help, acknowledgment, acceptance, etc

People pleasing was definitely my go to. Fear of rejection and being judged meant I spent nearly 40 years of my life trying to please others with no thought for myself.

But once my anger was sparked, it was best not to be anywhere near me.

It always took a lot to make me angry enough to explode but if you did, it wasn’t a pretty sight and it left me drained and exhausted.

These days if something upset or annoys me, I say so, rather than bottling it up.

It is only whilst writing this that I am realising just how much anger I must have bottled up inside of me, from the trauma, grief and incidents that tried to push the buttons of the people pleaser I once was.

Never underestimate the harm unresolved incidents and the feelings they in gender within you, can have on your mental, emotional and physical health.

Acknowledge them, work through them, love yourself enough to forgive yourself for being human and allowing others to disrupt your equilibrium.

Namaste Sweet Souls

Copyright © Sara Jane 2024