How well do you know your Family?

By Sara Jane

Do we really know all the members of our family?

Have we ever bothered to have a conversation with our grandparents, parents, or siblings to learn who they are as a person?

Yes, we know each of these as our grandparent, parent, or sibling, but that is who they are within the family. Do we know them as their friends know them? They are different within the different areas of their life, just as we are.

Can you genuinely say you are the same with your family as you are with your friends, at work or in a study or interest group.

We are very good at adapting ourselves to fit a situation and that goes for all generations.

It is only recently when I was asked to participate in a multi-author book “Brave Families”, I started to give some real thought to this.

I was also nudged by remembering the death of a friend, one of a larger group of friends I have. We had shared so many parties, picnics and more over a number of years and we all had lots of photos.

We went to his funeral and took three collages of photos, one for each of this adult children. They loved them but we also heard them say this was a side of their father they had never known.

I spoke to both my sisters about having a conversation with Mum and asking her about what she remembered of her early childhood during the second world war.

As it turned out is was just myself and my youngest sister who spent a few hours with her recording her memories in her words (I still have them to transcribe).

It was so interesting hearing about what she remembered about her Mother and how they got through the war whilst her Father, who worked for Cable & Wireless was sent out to Malta, Gibraltar and Morrocco to support the keeping of communications lines open.

Our aim is to do this again with her so there is a record for the next generations.

Sadly I didn’t understand to have a conversation with my Grandmother about her experiences through the second world war to learn how they affected her.

Life happens to us all, there are the good times but also the tragedies and traumas which shape us and although, as a family, we may all go through an experience together, it will feel different to each and our memories of it will be shaped by previous experiences, perceptions and understanding.

Several years ago my sisters and I had an evening just the three of us and as we talked you would have thought we had all been brought up in different families, rather than the same one.

As children we can’t grasp a full situation, we don’t have the words or understand of “feelings” we have never felt before. Circumstances outside our control, mean nothing to a child, it is only as we get older we gain a better understanding on the intricacies of life.

Life ceases to be black and white, we see there are many grey areas and can open to why things happened the way they did. We don’t have to like or condone them, just open to a greater understanding.

I hope you will consider having conversations with family members before it is too late, in many cases I believe it can bring not just understanding but also release and a greater awareness of yourself.